Diary of A Wimpy Aunt
I am the youngest in my family. Youngest of 3. To add to it, my sisters are over 10 years older to me. So, that practically makes them my mothers.
Top it up, I am the youngest, both sides of my family put together. Kids born couple years after me belong to the next generation. I am THAT young.
So naturally, I have never had any kind of relationship with a younger individual. Didn’t have younger siblings, wasn’t close to cousins’ kids. Juniors in schools/ colleges were more friends than “young people you have to be heroes for”.
It was all good and nice, until…
…this guy decides to come out of my sister.
Until last year, things were still manageable. We were living in different houses, different cities, and would meet each other only for a couple of weeks a year. From a distance, he was a good kid, and I was a good ‘maasi’ (aunt). It was all goooooooooood.
Come pandemic, and I find myself stuck in a house 24*7 with 4 other individuals, 1 of which is a 5-year old monster, who can morph into an angel at will.
This extremely manipulative creature has reduced all residents of the house, MY former subjects, to HIS and enjoys endless power over them. His demonic superpowers include being so tiny that people are scared to hurt him; he has a pandemic in his quiver to make people sympathise with him on not being able to play outdoors and “being robbed of his childhood”, hence getting a free pass for EVERYTHING; and well, an innocent face juxtaposing his entire existence.
This Son Of Satan, has thrusted on me a relationship that I had never envisaged. Sure, I was excited when my sister was pregnant. “Oh, finally somebody younger than me in the family.” Not realizing the complete ramifications of it.
This guy, 3 feet tall, calls me by my names that would put my friends to shame. Fights me like I were a sibling, and lords over me like I were the younger one at that.
I am working from home, and take frequent conference calls. The Little Prince sits next to me and carefully listens to all I say. Then, gets on his own “calls” on his toy laptop, and runs his “meetings”.
If I am reading, he sits next to me with his “Alice In Wonderland” and starts chanting frantically.
I walk every evening, and call a couple of friends in the process. Guess who else thinks it’s a good idea to walk in the evening and chat up his friends on a pretend cellphone?
He has got to have his meals at the same time as I, and race me (I win every time, but hey, who’s counting).
Long story short, everything I do or say has to be put under scanner, as it may miraculously present itself back to me at any moment through “a little bundle of joy”.
I am somebody who is bad at ADULT relationships. And now here I am, entrapped in a relationship with a kid for which I am least equipped.
What do I do? How do I talk? How do I carry myself? All these questions that I have never bothered too much for are now looking me in the eye.
Of course, I get solace knowing that the pandemic situation is temporary (DON’T YOU DARE!), but you know, the kid is going to only grow from here, and no matter where he is or I am, HE IS GOING TO BE THERE (Googles how to divorce your sister). He is soon going to be 6, then 7, then 10, and then 18. What will I do then? Am I going to have to act all adult-y, or can I be the fun aunt? How fun is fun aunt, and what are the boundaries? Is there a cheatsheet available online? Do they have support groups for aunts who are not ready?
I guess only time will tell how our relationship pans out. For now, my shoulders feel heavy knowing the burden of GenNext falls on them. I feel wis-er and calm-er (Adds eyeglasses to cart). I guess I will just take a nap, and hope that by the time I wake up, the little monster grows up and figures this out for me. Sigh!